That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.