So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.