i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
