Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
another moral hangover. fuck.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
