I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
