Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
