omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you never un-have a 4some
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
