And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
