Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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