I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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