You made me cry and you don't even care
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
