I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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