Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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