So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
