I think im going to throw up on grandma
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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