i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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