Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
