I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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