Dual....:-)
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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