dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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