Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
