Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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