if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
