Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
