talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Holy shit dude........stairs
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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