my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
