he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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