Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
