i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
