yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Pants are for mortals
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
