I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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