Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
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Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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