3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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