these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
