I'm lost and stupid without you.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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