just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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