So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
