Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
