Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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