I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
