We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
