you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
