And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
