Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
