ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
