you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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