Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
