What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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