she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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