He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
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I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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