I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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