I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
