I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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