you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
