I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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