Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
