Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
