A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
