Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
