I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize